Right Now

Based on recent conversations with family, co-workers, and folks who have commented here,  I'm starting to understand that the happiest people are the ones who just go out there and try something.  They don't sit around and worry if it's their "life's purpose." They just try something they want to do, and if it doesn't work out, they move on and try something else. Through this process, they find out what gives them meaning and purpose.

Last night I read a quote that made me realize how important it is to be grateful for what we have right here, right now.

"My advice to you is ot to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate." -Thonton Wilder
Wow! A lot of wisdom in those words!  I decided to write a little "poem" to sum up my realization. It isn't anything much, but it's my personal reminder to lighten up and enjoy what I have right now.

          

         Unloading

All day I carry worries

About things I haven’t done
By the time I set them down
I've missed out on the fun!

Have you read ONE MONTH TO LIVE?

Thank you to the folks who stopped by and made comments on my Saturday slice Figuring Out My Life's Purpose. It meant a lot to me that you took time from your busy day to share your thoughts and advice.  You helped me realize that I'm not alone in my search.

I was feeling like I needed some time to myself yesterday so I skipped a few chores and went to one of my favorite places, Barnes and Noble.  As I browsed the "New Arrivals" table, a title caught my eye.  One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. I thumbed through and read a pages.  The tone seemed very compasionate, and I wanted to read more. I have so many questions about the direction and purpose of my life, I wondered if this little books could help me find the answers I need to feel at peace. I took the book to the cafe' and sat down with a cup of chai. Much of what I read was not new to me. Over the years, I've read dozens of self-help books that promise to guide you in finding your life's purpose. One thing I did like about this one is that it consists of daily strategies, small steps to change your life and live with no-regrets. Many of the steps like forgiving people and letting those you love know it, I've always done. 

I read the stategies that most applied to what I'm looking for. Once again, most of them were not new to me.  I left without buying the book because I thought it might end up on my shelf with the others. We're living on my income alone these days so I try to spend money on needs over wants. As I said, I already own a lot of self-help books. Also, the title One Month to Live grabbed my attention, but after a while the thinking about that concept started to feel depressing. I think it might make me even more anxious about finding my purpose before my time runs out!  : )

I'm wondering if any of you have read ONE MONTH TO LIVE, and if it really helped you find your life's purpose.  Was there another book you found more helpful? 

Help! This Mouse is Driving Me Crazy!

I got a new Samsung laptop for Christmas.  It has a nice wide screen, Windows 7, and Microsoft Office 2010. It's a lot faster than my last laptop, and the keyboard is very comfortable with a place to rest my wrists as I type. So, I really like everything about it...well, make that almost everything.
It has this automatic mouse thing that I can't seem to shut off. While I'm typing, it suddenly appearing and scrolls up causing me to lose my place.  Sometimes it goes completely crazy and jumps to another page. 

I looked it up online and found directions to turn off the auto mouse. I went into the controls and tried that.  It seemed to work briefly, but then it came back on.

Have you had the same problem?  Do you know how to get rid of this thing? It makes typing very difficult. I'm not good with technology so I'm lost here.

I would appreciate your suggestions. Thank you.

Figuring Out Our Life's Purpose

I've been watching Oprah since the days when she was on a local TV station in Baltimore.  I find her to be a source of inspiration.  For years, she's been telling us that we each have a life purpose and that it is our duty to figure out what that is and then share our "gift" with the world. Every time I hear her talk about finding our purpose, I'm reminded of my seventh grade language arts teacher, Mrs. Zimmerman.

Mrs. Zimmerman wore heavy makeup to cover scars on her face.  I never knew the full details of how she got the scars, but the rumor was that she had been in a car accident.  Some of the kids made fun of her,  but I thought she was beautiful. She had an inner beauty that came through in her smile and gentle disposition. She knew that we, as adolescents, were trying to figure out where we fit in the world. She had a knack of applying every novel, every play, every poem, that we read to our own lives.  One of the most memorable lessons she was us was that we each had a special talent, a gift, something we were really good at doing.  I took that lesson to heart and began the search for "my gift."

But somehow, while going through all the challenges and changes of growing up, I forgot that lesson. I stopped searching and just lived for each day.  When Oprah began reminding us to figure out our purpose, I was in my late twenties and the search started again.  Here's the thing, it's now thirty years later, and I still haven't figured out my "purpose."

I can usually figure out other people's gifts pretty quickly, but I can't seem to figure out my own. I'm even starting to wonder if I have one!  Now that I'm getting older, and feeling time is running out, finding what I'm good at has become more important than ever.  I have thought about it, journaled about it, and prayed about it.  Still, I'm lost. I think that it's more than just being passionate about something, it has to be something I do well enough to make a difference.

I raised two sons who despite any shortcomings I had as parent, grew into wonderful men that any mother would be proud of.  I'm a teacher, and that has been an important part of my life.  I hope I've made a difference in the lives of my students.These roles have given me a purpose to wake up every morning, but I'm not sure that is the same as a life's purpose.  Does that make sense?  It seems like there is something else that I'm meant to do that I haven't figured out yet.

Maybe I'm over thinking it, but I don't want to grow old and have regrets or feel that some part of my life was unfulfilled.

So, I'm wondering how other people have found their gifts, their life's purpose? Does our life's purpose change through the stages of our life?  How is it that some people are born knowing what they came to this earth to do?  How did you figure out what you are good at?  Did someone tell you, or did you just know?  I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.  It's late and my vision i blurred so I'll close now.  I hope I haven't embarrassed myself by revealing too much about my inner craziness, but if I''m struggling with finding my pupose, maybe some of you are too?

Madness 2012- 1 and Done

Well, the voting is over.  My poem didn't win. I'm a little disappointed, but I enjoyed the experience. My "opponent" wrote an outstanding poem. She deserved to win, and I'm actually quite happy for her. Being in the poetry challenge taught me that I'm more competitive than I realized.  I didn't think I cared about winning until the voting started. I found myself checking the scoreboard several times today to see how many votes I had. The final tally was her- 60 to my-37.  I was worried I might not get any votes, so I'm grateful for the 37 kind folks who voted for my poem.   
Another cool thing that came out of the challenge happened when I showed the scoreboard to my students and gave them time to click through and read the poems. They couldn't vote because only one vote was allowed for every IP address.  Next year, I'll make voting sheets for them and tally their votes. Then we can enter one vote as a school. Several kids asked me if we could do a poetry challenge. .  I think that would be a great National Poetry Month activity. First, I need to think of a way to keep the poets anonymous so it doesn't become a popularity contest.  As middle school students, it will be hard to keep them from telling their friends the title of their poem. I also worry that poems that don't get any votes might cause the author to feel hurt.  If anyone has ideas on how to handle these types of things, please let me know.

If you haven't checked out Madness 2012 at Think Kid, Think, take a look. I think you'll like what you see!  Maybe next year, you'd like to join the challenge. It was a little tense for me worrying about the word I was going to get,, if I could actually write a poem in such a short period of time, and if anyone would vote for my poem. Would I do it again?  You betcha! 

Just for Fun?

When I signed up for the March Madness poetry challenge, I told myself it was just for fun.  As my turn to write grew closer the idea of fun turned to fear, espcecially when I saw the list of "real" poets who would be participating.

I'm not fast when it comes to writing poetry, and this challenge requires one to write a poem in 36 hours after receiving an assigned word.  Thirty-six hours doesn't seem like long, but because I teach an extended day program, I only had a window of about four hours to come up with something I hoped would at least make sense.  Again, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't that important, it was just for fun. 

So, my poem went "live" this morning, and the voting got started. I didn't think I cared about winning, but suddenly, I REALLY wanted to win.  I guess that's human nature. We become competitive, and want to know that our efforts matter.  I know I won't get very far in this challenge, but it would be nice to at least get to round 2!   I admit my "opponent" wrote a very cool poem.  DARN! Why did she have to be so good? 

If you haven't checked out the March Madness challenge, take a peek.  I'm so impressed by the poems the others came up with. I really am having fun to voting for my favorites. I think you will too!

Regrets

With the time change, it's dark when I leave for work.  I don't like driving in the dark because the older I get the weaker my night vision becomes. To make things worse, there are a lot of hazards on one particularly dark road.  Deer dash out from nowhere, cars back out of their driveways, and things like lumber and cardboard boxes from a nearby construction site often litter the road.  So, I drive pretty slowly and try to stay mindful of what's happening around me.

This morning, as I drove along  I saw something up ahead lying in the middle of the road.  It appeared to be a large box, but as I got closer I saw that it wasn't a box at all, it was a small doe.  I slowed to a crawl afraid that she might run out in front of my car.  As I approached, my headlights lit the place where she lay in a puddle of blood.  She raised her head and looked at me.  Her brown eyes alive with fear and confusion. I stopped the car. She didn't try to run. She couldn't. She just lay there watching me. 

I didn't know what to do.  There wasn't any place to pull over safely.  Another car was coming up behind me, and I knew I had to move.  Tears gushed down my face as I drove.  I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. I described the emergency and location of the deer to the operator.  He promised to send an officer and animal control to rescue the little doe.

I sat a few minutes longer shaking and crying. I should have done more for her, but my fear for my own safety caused me to leave her there alone.  I've been very down all day.  Some people might not understand my sorrow over the life of one deer, especially when the area I live in is practically overrun by them, but she was one of God's creatures all the same, and she was beautiful.  She didn't deserve to die alone. No creature does. I wish I would've had the courage to save her.