The Miss Rumphius Monday Poetry Stretch this week was to write a poem around a prefix. This is a second version of my poem. I'm still not happy with the rhythm, but it's getting there. As always, suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
Un
willing
to hurt Mom again
I decide to lie—
Allergies caused
my red swollen eyes.
Un
true
every promise
every I love you—
the devoted father
I thought I knew.
Un
fair
the way you left
without good-bye
without a hug
without telling me—
why.
Un
forgiven
you abandoned me
you broke Mom’s heart
you tore our family—
tree apart.
Un
certain
what to say
what to do—
Please come home
Dad,
I still love you.
Linda,
ReplyDeleteI really like where you are going with this. I especially like the Un-forgiven stanza.
Thanks, Susan. As I said, it's still in rough form, but I'll work on it some more.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I think it's brilliant to use the poetry stretch to give new form to an existing poem. I love that!
ReplyDeleteUnfair is my favorite stanza.
The first stanza was a little unclear for me (intentionally so?). The way it leads into the second, I wasn't sure if she was crying about her dad leaving, or if her dad hit her, yelled at her, or abused her in some way that left her crying.
This. Is. Powerful.
Laura, thanks for your suggestions. I always appreciate them. I need all the help I can get! This is still in rough form and needs a lot of work. I'm really not sure where I'm trying to go with these "dad" poems. Sometimes I wonder if I should even post them.
ReplyDelete