A "Poem" About Reading

We're in our second day of testing.  My job, as a test examiner is to walk around the room and monitor students taking the test. We cannot read or work on anything during test-taking time.  I'm working with eighth graders, and they've been doing a great job.  They are pretty much self-sufficient with very few questions. Yesterday was the longest day of testing so while they were working, my mind started to wander.  The first stanza of this "poem" came to me.  This morning as I walked around the room, a few more stanzas started coming together. 

I've never been good with meter. I don't know why, but I just can't seem to get it right. Maybe it's some blockage in my brain, or my country twang. So, I really would appreciate any suggestions you have for improvement.  I'm thinking that after I work on it some more, I might use this poem as a writing prompt to encourage students to write about their own favorite books. Thanks for your help!


The Book on My Shelf

When I was little
and tucked in my bed—
I’d listen to stories
that Grandpa read

about a young boy,
his silly Pooh Bear,
a Hundred Acre Woods,
and the adventures there.

Grandpa read those stories
again and again—
until Christopher Robin
became an old friend

It’s been a long while
since we’ve read together
but I’ll remember those
stories and Grandpa forever

It’s a book on my shelf
I got when I was three
A very special book—
my grandpa gave to me

-Linda Kulp

The Promises We Make

Yesterday, like most Sunday mornings, I arrived at the nursing home around 9:00 AM.  Mom is sitting in her room strapped in her wheelchair trying to feed herself.  When she hears me come in, she looks up from her tray but doesn’t recognize me, at least not at first.  Food littered across her tray and down the front of her blouse is a sign she is getting weaker. I smile and tell her she looks good. I I can’t let myself think about what's happening to her—so I just keep smiling. I ask if she needs help with breakfast. She shakes her head. I pretend not to notice as she lifts her fork, but misses her mouth. Feeding herself is one of the few things she is still able to do.

The nurse comes in to check on her progress.  Mom introduces me as “a visitor.” The nurse smiles in recognition and takes the tray.   I ask her how she's doing.  She tells me about her physical therapy and how she is able to walk on her own now.  She doesn’t remember that the doctor gave up on physical therapy months ago.  She believes she’s getting better. She describes how she walks through the halls all night long while the others are sleeping. She believes she’s going home, and asks when I'll come to pick her up. I quickly change the subject and begin to update her on family news.

I see a little spark in her eyes as she finally remembers me. She if I'll bring her a cell phone the next time I come so she can call her friends.  I know I can't do that because the last time she had a phone, she kept calling 911 and reporting her roommate missing. Besides, the one her friend she had is gone now. But, I tell her I'll bring the phone.  I don't want to upset her.  “Do you promise you'll bring it?" she asks. I nod and change the subject to the weather.  She thinks it's July and thinks it's funny that I'm wearing a jacket. I tell her that all the air conditioning makes me cold. She laughs.

When it’s time for me to leave, she asks me to meet her at the church later for Friday Night Bingo. I smile and nod. I don’t tell her that it's Sunday. I don’t tell her that she cannot leave the nursing home-
ever.  I don't tell her that she is never going home. Instead I smile and nod when she asks, “Do you promise?” 

I take her hand, “Yes, Mom, I promise. “ An hour from now, she won’t remember our conversation, she won't even remember that I came to visit. But, for a little while she is laughing and making plans. I can’t take her away the hope that keeps her believing in tomorrow, so I make  promises I know I can’t keep, and I pray that forgives me.

Reflection: My Writing Journey

Disclaimer: This is a stream of consciousness (rambling) piece so I hope it will make sense to readers.

I've been thinking a lot about writing. In fact, I've thought about writing most of my life. From the time I was very young, I would make up little songs and carry them in my head. I never wrote them down on paper. Reading and writing were not valued in the world I grew up in. When my sons were born, I read to them every day and fell in love with picture books.  I wanted to try to write one, but I was raising my sons, going to college, and working full time.  I decided writing would have to wait for that time known as  Someday.

When I started teaching, I wrote stories and poems to use in my classroom. I went to every workshop on writing I could: Donald Graves, Ralph Fletcher, Shelley Harwayne... , and I read dozens of books on teaching writing.  I loved to write and somehow found time to do it.  This was pre-internet and home computer days. I wrote longhand then typed my stories and poems on  a computer at school  My students encouraged me to send my poems out to try to get them published. Amazingly, some of them did get published. I even became a contributing editor to a small publication for teachers. I wrote a poem and a monthly column. I didn't get paid, but it wasn't about money. Writing was fun, and I looked forward to it.   I earned my living as a teaxcher so publication was exciting but not my main objective. I wrote to model for my students, and I wrote about topics I was teaching to help my them learn.

Then came the internet and Facebook.  I started reading about the success other writers were having. I felt like I should be doing more, maybe I was a little jealous of them for making more of an effort than I had.  About the same time, I went through a divorce.  My sons were grown, out of college and on their own. I no longer felt there was purpose or meaning in my life. I sunk into a deep depression and held a daily pity-party for myself. I no longer knew who I was or what my life was about.

Suddenly, publication seemed very important. I felt like I was missing something. Having a book published became my goal (obsession), but I decided I needed first to take classes to learn how to write. So, I took class after class and read every how-to write book I could get my hands on. I worked on each assignment revising and revising until I was exhausted and lost all passion for it. I questioned the value of every thing I wrote and lost all confidence in my writing.  Rejections, lots and lots of rejections were delivered to my mail box.  I began to realize just how bad my writing was. There are so many great writers out there who are masters who can write much better than I can.  It must have been a fluke that I was ever published at all. I stopped submiting and hid inside my journal.

Guess what? It didn't take long until writing became fun again. It was safe with no one to judge me, no one to reject me. Now I started writing for my students again, and once in a while, I'll send something out.  I expect to be rejected while hoping that just maybe I wrote something worth publishing.  I wish I could say that I'm over the whole publishing thing, but I can't let it go.  It's not about fame or fortune. I think it's more about acceptance and having someone saying that my words mean something.   Maybe it's also about leaving part of myself behind. I'm nearing retirement age and time is running out. My mother had a dream that she never acted on, I worry I won't figure this out in time.  Sometimes, I wish I could walk away from it and find another passion, another dream. Why won't this writing dream let go?  If I were meant to be a writer, why don't I know where I fit?

It's embarrssing to admit that publication became more important than writing. I'm trying to find my place (if I have one) in the world of writing. I'm hoping this SOL challenge will help me find some answers.

What Was I Thinking?

Last month when I read about the March Madness Poetry Tournament over at  Think Kid, Think!, it sounded like fun so I quickly added my name to the list of participants. Hey, it was a gray day in February, and a little madness seemed like just what I needed to move out of the winter doldrums. The few folks who had signed up before me were online friends and other kidlit bloggers. Besides, the challenge was weeks away.  I've dreamed of writing poetry for children and young adults, maybe this would motivate me to step out of my comfort zone and through caution to the wind.

All of that seemed well and good, except now, here we are, and the tournament begins tomorrow with a video so each participant (notice I'm avoiding the word: POET to keep from totally freaking out) will see his/her seeds.  I'm not sure I understand exactly how it will all work, but I'm pretty sure that I'll be in the "write one and done" group!  Just take a look at the list of folks on the list, it's like a who's who of children's poets!  Yikes!  At least it be over quickly, once my number comes up, I'll have 36 hrs. to write the poem, and then the voting and elimination will begin.  Is that the same as sudden death? 
Now, I'm going to hop on over to the March Madness page and read more about how the tournament will work.  I hope I can figure out what it's my turn to write!  I don't need to add any additional humiliation to this thing!   What was I thinking?

 

So Many Slices, So Little Time!

Are you enjoying the SOL challenge as much as I am?  I usually don't get to write until sometime after 9 PM, but I find myself thinking about my topic throughout the day.  I often "try out" an idea in my mind and let the excitement build until I can't  wait to get home, get my chores done and sit down to write!  Before the challenge, I mostly confined my writing to my journal.  It felt safe.  But because of the encouragement and support given by other slicers, I'm beginning to feel less self-conscious about sharing my words. I'm not quite to the point of feeling safe yet, but maybe that's not so bad.  Feeling too safe might cause me to be less attentive to improving my writing.

I also look forward to reading what other slicers are writing.  What a fascinating group of people we have in our writing community!  Each day, I look forward to reading your thoughts, poems, and stories. I try to read and comment on as many as I can.   I wish I could read more because I know I miss some great slices every day..

We're still in the early days of this challenge, and it's already helping me make writing a priority.I made a commitment when I joined the challenge, and that gives me permission to write every day. Having a daily deadline, is very motivating! But,I'm a little worried that after March 31, I might slide back into my old habit of putting writing on the back burner. I sometimes feel self-indulgent taking time every evening to focus on something just for me.  There's always plenty of housework and schoolwork I should/could be doing. So, the next challenge will be for me to KEEP writing when no one is looking.  I'm just not yet sure how I'll do that.

How will you keep yourself writing on a daily basis when the challenge is over?

Co-Curricular Period

Our school, has a 30 minute co-curricular activity period four days a week.  At the beginning of the year, teachers write descriptions for the topic they want to teach.  Then students choose the activity they will participate in for that term. The idea is to allow students to be enriched in an area they wouldn't normally have during the school day.  The list of topics range from astronomy to yoga.

Teachers and students and students have mixed feelings about the co-curricular activities.  One advantage of the program is that it give teachers an opportunity to share a topic they are passionate about with students. Students make connections with others who share their interests and see another side of their teachers.

But, there are some disadvantages too. For teachers, it is the extra planning and prep work it takes to teach an extra class every day.  I'm currently teaching a memoir writing class.  I put as much time into planning for this group of students as I do for my other classes. Another concern is that many of the students who end up in the class aren't there by choice. Students are asked to make first, second, and third choices on their sign-up sheets.  If a large number of students sign up for the same activities, some of them will end up in a class they may not want to be in. This can cause unhappy students,  and unhappy students can cause behavior problems for the teacher to deal with.

I'm not sure how this co-curricular period will mesh with the changes the common core curriculum are sure to bring. I like the concept of students having an enrichment period, but how much more can we pack in a day and still be effective teachers?

Does your school have a co-curricular program?  If so, how does your school use the time to benefit students without adding to teacher workload?

Here We Go Again!

Last night we met with a real estate agent to put our house back on the market. We tried to sell it last year, but houses just weren't selling in our area. We're hoping this year will be different.  We love our house, but it's no longer practical for the two of us to continue living in a huge house that needs constant upkeep. 

Our house has gone down about $200,000 in value.  When we bought the house, we thought we were making a good investment for our future. Then the economy fell apart, lay-offs happened, and my salary became our main (and often our only) income. We're losing money by staying here.  We just replaced the heating system, remodeled the master bath, replaced the garage doors, and we'll need a new roof soon.  I'd like to retire in a few years, but until we get a lower mortgage payment, I can't even think about it.  It's time to move on, but giving up my home will be hard.